We exchange I love you’s, live together, and we had been planning to stay together after she finishes school until

We exchange I love you’s, live together, and we had been planning to stay together after she finishes school until

You didn’t do anything wrong with that email. The first step is to get a hold of yourself and regain composure. You are on the right track. All the best.

Kevin, me and my ex were dating for 5 years until in 2013 I made the horrible mistake of cheating on her, I realized that mistake and gave her space and about 4 months later we got back together, I messed up and hung out with the same girl again and my gf found out about it again and now we have broken up. she says she is confused and doesnt know what to do and needs space. what should I do?

Hi Kevin, My girlfriend and I have been together 20 months. I’m 29, recently finished grad school. She’s 20, and a college senior.

I never met anyone in person or physically cheated. I’m ashamed to say some of the sexting stuff was very explicit, and I now realize it was definitely cheating. I also bragged/joked to some guy friends about some of this, which was how my girlfriend found out (she read my text messages after I got home). I’ve also had wandering eyes in the past, and grappled with the idea of monogamy. I want to change and grow out of all this, no matter what happens between my gf and I.

I’ve made some of the mistakes in the 48 hours since this happened (begging/pleading, profusely apologizing and using pity). But I think I can stop and use some of your 5 steps. We’ve talked twice and she seems fixed on splitting up (90% of her stuff is packed and moved to her parents, who live nearby). But she has been open to communicating/meeting to talk more, despite a very explosive initial reaction to the discovery.

I was out of town for several weeks recently , and signed up for a dating app, and flirted/sexted with women, and entertained the idea of hooking up

So I guess where I’m at now is how or should I just accept the breakup she seems to want, and use the no contact period to make positive changes in myself (mainly addressing the cheating, and figure out how to grow out of that crap). Right now I still love her and want to patch things up, but I’m worried about how much of what I’m feeling is out of desperation/fear/panic.

Maybe I need to take some time to make changes in me, so I won’t do the same thing again. I’m also sober, it’s been over 5 years, and I do the 12 steps. So this has been a huge wakeup call for me in terms of living a sober life as a sober man. I can’t do this crap and stay sober. So my sponsor is helping me too.

Hi Kevin I recently posted a comment about my situation with my ex breaking up with me because he said he is not ready for a relationship right now

Anyways thanks for a great website, I’ll sign up for the emails, and look forward to your advice on this comment.


I was in the middle of my contact rule and he confessed that the reason why he broke up with me because he was feeling so guilty and regret what he had done. He got drunk and slept with another woman about 2months ago while we are still together. It was only one time and he said he regret it everyday. He was afraid to tell me the truth because he doesn’t want me to hate him. I feel like he really meant his apology but what he did caused me in a lot of pain. I still love and I know he loves me too. I just don’t know if I should take him back or what will be the next step.

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